Sometimes it can be difficult to remove toxic relationships with people from your life, many times is people with whom you have great memories or you love.
Toxic relationships aren’t necessarily romantic, they can be with anyone with whom you have a relationship; a coworker, a family member, a friend…
Identifying those persons who are toxic towards you it’s important for your mental and physical well-being. Sometimes it can be tricky to identify when someone is being toxic, however if someone is treating you badly, is always negative and manipulative, it’s the kind of person you don’t want in your life.
It easily can get to the point where this negative behaviour affects you, making you feel sad, anxious or angry about actions you take. It can make you feel so unhappy that affects the way you are towards others.
What makes relationships toxic?
There’s people whose behavior towards others with whom they have a relationship is negative and controlling, affecting the others persons mood. This behaviour has a reason, they could have been in a toxic relationship before, romantically or as a child.
They could have gone through a tough youth, were they were bullied in school or they didn’t have the support and love of their family when they were young. These are signs of untreated poor mental health where any form of trauma could have been developed.
Identify toxic relationships
You may already know exactly who this person is, or it may take you some time to identify it.
Try to think if anyone in your life makes you feel bad about yourself or tries to manipulate you. Try to think if you feel anxious or sad when you talk with someone or after talking to them.
Remember this is not normal, everyone with whom you have a relationships should bring you something good to your life, instead of the other way around. Because let’s be honest for what do you need someone who instead of lifting you up, lifts you down? Isn’t it better to stay the way you where before meeting them? If they don’t bring you joy, if they don’t lift your mood up, you don’t need them.
What are the warning signs of toxic relationships?
Here's a list of different red flags or warning signs you have to be aware of. Sometimes these signs are clearer or less, but as soon you see a hint, the chances this person becomes more toxic are really high.
- They make you feel bad about yourself
- They judge you
- They are nasty behind your back
- They make you feel anxious
- They talk bad about others
- They are manipulative towards you and others.
- They are very negative
- They are controlling you or demanding your time and attention
- They have mood changes
- They get in a loop easily when discussing
- They can be really stubborn and passive-aggressive
- They have issues with anger management
Negative shifts in your mood, personality or mental health are red flags that you have to be aware of too. These changes could affect your mental health with diagnosable conditions, such as depression or anxiety, or to feel nervous and uncomfortable, especially around this person.
- You give more than what you get back
- You feel depressed, tired or angry after speaking with the other person
- You spend a lot of time trying to cheer them up
- You feel unsupported and misunderstood
- You feel like they are playing with you
- You are not your best self
- You feel attacked
- You feel like you are hurting the other too
- You feel like you are blamed for things you shouldn’t be
- You feel tired and anxious after being with the other person
You should keep an eye on how you are with others and how you are when you are alone.
What should I do when I’m in a toxic relationship?
No matter what type of relationship it is, you always have to focus on your physical and mental health. If you are experiencing physical or emotional abuse, get help right away and leave this relationship. If you are in a toxic relationship with someone or there’s a person at work or a friend who is affecting your mood, who drains your energy and doesn’t make you happy, who manipulates you, being nice to you and then nasty. Think about taking action, remove them or really limit your time with them and just if you can and feel there’s a reason, try to explain them how they make you feel.
Sometimes it’s not easy to explain the other that you feel unhappy because of your relationship with them, or that you are simply not good for each other. Keep in mind, the other person can struggle understanding this. Everyone might need some time to process things, but in these situations is better to do it apart and with help of professionals.
Don’t drain the conversation if the other doesn’t comprehend it’s hurting you, cause that might mean this is what they think a normal relationship looks like. You might have to delete them from your life and get help to go through this trauma and understand why the other person might have been behaving that way towards you.